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  • Writer's pictureTrish Bentley

Note from Trish: Marriage Trumps Wedding

One day, when I was planning my wedding, a friend in the office said, “You will see one day that the wedding means nothing compared to the marriage.” I thought it sounded a little practical and mundane, but soon I learned how right she was.

As it turns out, nothing puts a wrench in your plans for the ‘perfect’ wedding day like a baby on the way. As they say, you pee on a stick and everything changes.

After moving the wedding forward two months from the original date booked, and explaining to my dad that I indeed got pregnant AFTER we were engaged (awesome conversation btw), I found myself resolved to the fact that I was going to be a pregnant bride. If I still wanted to do this ‘wedding’ thing, I was going to have to embrace my belly and the twenty-five pounds that had already accompanied it. I always pictured myself in unconventional scenarios in my life, but a puffy face and not being allowed to get tipsy at my own wedding was not exactly what I had in mind. Ahhh, but things never happen exactly the way we envision them.

I had never really thought much about weddings when I was growing up. I wasn’t that girl who daydreamed about white frilly dresses and flowers on the ‘special’ day. In fact, I thought it was a weird concept to ask people to spend exorbitant amounts of money on the couple and stare at the bride like she was some character out of a princess fairytale. It seemed antiquated and really uncomfortable for the bride. I just wanted a good party where everyone we love came together to celebrate a new beginning. And I got that.

Our wedding was on a boat that circled the island of Manhattan, and it was intimate and lovely. There were a lot of hook ups, damage debts and a hefty bar bill; all contributing factors to a dope party. I LOVED having friends and family come to NYC to celebrate with us. It felt incredibly special and romantic.

In the end, it didn’t matter that I couldn’t have a drink at my wedding, or that my face was rounder than before, or that my dress wasn’t an official frilly white wedding dress. It mattered that I was starting a new chapter in my life with someone pretty darn great.

We had that baby that was in my belly, and then another one. And now we spend every day after that one ‘special’ day, being married. And if the decisions we make together today don’t trump whether or not to have Calla Lillies or Roses on the tables, I don’t know what does.

True, it’s not every day you get married, but every day after that, you are married.

Please enjoy this week’s posts from Courtney Hardwick. She’s talking about the epidemic of wedding fever and how she is immune to all the hoopla. And Janna Rachel writes this beautiful personal essay about how politics became personal the day she became a single mother.

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